I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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