i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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