I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
