apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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