I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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