i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
