I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
