I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i need some magic done to my vagina
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
