She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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