I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Non-Jews are for practice
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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