dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
