Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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