I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
