Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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