Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize