my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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