i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
