Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You were trust falling into bushes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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