Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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