I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
