I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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