there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
