this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize