it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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