You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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