How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
