my vag is so smooth its legendary
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize