It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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