Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
