well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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