it hurts more in the daytime
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
