so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
