im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
