Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
not ubering you a puppy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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