I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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