So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
