Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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