Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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