Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
