Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
