i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
