So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Your penis caused this!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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