At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
