Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
