I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
