her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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