the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
