I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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