That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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