It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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