Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
