He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
