Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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