Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
