you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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