"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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