"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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