The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
