I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
