Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
