8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
