Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Your dad touched me again.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize