guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
