I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize