You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
