then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
