I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
