So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
